Episode #1048: Rejected
First Broadcast: 3/23/26
Shortly after the United States began bombing Iran on February 28, 2026, in an effort to accomplish... who knows what... Iran announced it was closing off the Strait of Hormuz to all traffic and it would fire on any ship trying to pass through there, effectively reducing oil shipments through that strait to near zero. Predictably (though, maybe not so predictable to the geniuses in the White House), this has caused oil prices to soar, which will undoubtably lead to other price increases and goods shortages in little time, so there is a huge incentive for someone--anyone!--to prevent those increases and shortages from happening by re-opening the strait. Since President Trump caused this situation by attacking Iran in the first place, you might wonder: what's his solution to fix this or get around it? It seems he was hoping other countries might step in and do the job for him, as detailed in this message on social media from March 14:
Hopefully China, France, Japan, South Korea, the UK, and others, that are affected by this artificial constraint, will send Ships to the area so that the Hormuz Strait wiil no longer be a threat by a Nation that has been totally decapitated. [sic]
As you might have guessed, the rest of the world didn't exactly fall over themselves to meet this demand, which pissed off Trump to the point where he sent off this missive on March 17:
Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer "need," or desire, the NATO Countries' assistance--WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! [sic]
That'll show 'em! Perhaps they were all repelled by how Trump has been so belligerent towards other nations in various ways, but perhaps they also didn't want any of their tankers with several hundred million dollars' worth of oil destroyed by a $35,000 Iranian drone, especially since the U.S. only has so many $4 million Patriot missiles to intercept the hundreds of drones Iran is using in its attacks. In any event, Trump seemed particularly perturbed about the United Kingdom's reluctance, lashing out at their Prime Minister, Keir Starmer, thusly:
"I was very surprised with the United Kingdom because the United Kingdom, two weeks ago, I said, 'Why don't you send some ships over?' And he really didn't want to do it," Trump told reporters.I'm sure France was thrilled with Trump calling the U.K. the United States' "oldest ally," and I'm sure everyone was elated to know that Trump apparently has no idea about how democracies are supposed to work. What does he think, you just give everyone a pair of Florsheim shoes and then they do whatever you tell them? I don't suppose there's a happy ending at the end of this movie? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know...
Calling the UK his country's "oldest ally," Trump said that the US has spent "a lot of money" on NATO and protecting Ukraine against Russia. "I think it's terrible," Trump said, going on to say he was "not happy with the UK."
The president said that Starmer had told him yesterday he was meeting with his team to make a decision about joining an effort to help secure the Strait of Hormuz.
"I said, 'You don't need to meet up with the team. You're the prime minister. You can make your own—why do you have to meet with your team to find out whether or not you're going to send some minesweepers to us or to send some boats?' I said, 'You don't have to meet with your team.'"
Episode #1049: It's Weirder
First Broadcast: 3/30/26
Are you wondering when this stupid war with Iran will be over? Perhaps we'd all like to know how President Trump thinks this war will end, especially since he insists that Iran sent him a "present" of some kind, and ... well, maybe it'll make more sense if I let him explain it:
This is regime change, right? They're going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. It was a very big present, worth a tremendous amount of money. And I'm not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize, And they gave it to us, and they said they were going to give it. So that meant one thing to me. We're dealing with the right people. ... It was oil and gas related. And it was a very nice thing they did. But what it showed me is that we're dealing with the right people. Because, you know, you don't know, because the leadership was killed. All gone. But we're dealing with a group of people that I think turned out. And the present — the gift they made to us was very significant. And they said they were going to do it, and it happened. And they're the only ones that could have done it.
Maybe I'm wrong about it making more sense. The repetitive nature of these remarks reminded me of a sketch on Conan O'Brien's late night show back in the day, and it also raised a lot more questions than it answered, such as:
Episode #1050: Oleaginous Weasels
First Broadcast: 4/6/26
Did you attend any of the "No Kings" protests on March 28, 2026? Were you one of the estimated 100,000+ people in New York City, or one of the estimated 8,000,000+ people nationwide who made up the largest single-day protest in U.S. history, surpassing the previous record holder, which was the "No Kings" protest on October 18, 2025? Did you know this means that 5 out of the 6 largest protests in U.S. history have occured during Donald Trump's presidency, and 4 of them happened within the last 12 months? Are you pleased that a federal judge ruled as unconstitutional the executive order that Trump issued to end federal funding for PBS and NPR? Are you also pleased that a different federal judge ruled that Trump didn't have the right to demolish the East Wing of the White House and start building a ballroom on the site without permission from Congress, saying "unless and until Congress blesses this project through statutory authorization, construction has to stop!" Are you annoyed that Trump's design for his ballroom is so gigantic that it would wreck the symmetry of the driveways in front of the White House? Are you aggravated that one of the few Republicans who has any ability to stand up to Trump is Curtis Sliwa? Are you astonished at how the illegal war that Trump started with Iran might end with Iran essentially controlling a virtual toll booth for the Strait of Hormuz, something that didn't exist before the war, which would mean Iran would become more successful at extracting money from other nations than Trump was ever able to do with his illegal tariffs? Man, I'm exhausted asking all these questions! Maybe we'll get to a point where the answers will less exhausting...
Episode #1051: Turducken
First Broadcast: 4/20/26
Is $40 a worthwhile price for a half rotisserie chicken with roasted potatoes at a sit-down restaurant? Is it really any better than a half rotisserie chicken with two sides from a take-out restaurant for $18.95? Are either of those a better deal than a half rotisserie chicken from a supermarket for $7.49, or a whole rotisserie chicken for $8.99, or a whole chicken you can cook for yourself for $2.99 a pound? How upsetting is it that food inflation is outpacing general inflation? Do you miss Mama's Food Shop as much as I do? When's the last time you had an RC Cola? How about a Moxie? Or a Manhattan Special? Will we still be at war with Iran, or the Pope, or Cuba when this episode is done? Only time will tell!
