A Haiku synopsis of the more interesting portions of the Ken Starr report


by Christopher Flaherty
October 13, 1998 -- October 19, 1998


Government shutdown
Lewinsky meets President
shows him straps of thong

In the office of
Stephanopoulous, they meet
"I had an idea"

In his private room
"he asked if he could kiss me"
rendezvous later

Near Oval Office
Kiss in windowless hallway
there was "chemistry"

This time lights were off
her breasts touched with hands and mouth
"his hand down my pants"

President on phone
as he talked to congressmen
and she sucked him off

she brings him pizza
he touched Lewinskyís bare breasts
alone in study

she performed oral
(footnote says oral-anal)
but no completion

Bill chewed on cigar
held it in a naughty way
"we can do that, too"

On Presidentís Day
President breaks up with her
hugs but no kisses

break-up didnít last
March thirty-first it resumes
"Mrs. in Ireland"

intern had papers
that was pretext for giving
Hugo Boss necktie

in hallway they kissed
he fondled her genitals
"he focused on me"

he inserts cigar
in vagina, then his mouth
he said "It tastes good."

In April, transfer
Lewinsky devastated
feared it was over

transfer from White House
to Pentagon because of
her "frequent visits"

When she let him know
Both she and Bill were upset
But they still had sex

"Why take you away?"
"...if I win in November
Iíll bring you back"

After, more oral
still no ejaculation
while Dick Morris called

During seven calls
in nineteen-ninety-six she
and Bill had phone sex

like the day he left
for Atlanta Olympics
"What a way to start..."

at birthday party
she reached out and grabbed his crotch
"in playful fashion"

Monica was pissed
"Every day can't be sunshine."
"How could he do this?"

Betty Currie knew
when she let Monica in
"You know who it is."

"Donít want to hear it."
Ms. Currie knew no evil
"Donít say any more."

Love Note to "Handsome"
Romeo and Juliet
in Washington Post

then he gave her gifts
Walt Whitman and a hat pin
and came in her mouth

her navy blue dress
was where Bill Cintonís semen
fell into the gap

FBI tests showed
the jizz was his for sure now
still he kept coming

March twenty-ninth sex
genitals touched genitals
"He came on crutches."

They broke up in May
"He had hundreds of affairs"
Theirs had to end too

Monica was sad
she wanted a better job
she wrote Bill letters

then he scolded her
Donít threaten the President
we should act like friends

"Maybe in three years?"
she asked. He said "In three years,
I might be alone."

And Kathleen Willey?
Iíd never do her, he said
Her breasts are too small

November thirteenth
she goes to the White House
to give him some gifts

she tells him about
Altoids and oral sex but
he didnít have time

Subpoena arrives
Ms. Currie collects the gifts
hides them in a box

then Linda Tripp tapes
phone calls between so-called friends
"I hate Linda Tripp"

facts start to surface
Newsweek and Matt Drudge report
comings and goings

Dick Morris tells Bill
take an adultery poll
go with the results

America tells him
weíll forgive adultery
but not perjury

But he still denies
sexual allegations
saying they are false

Bill makes denials
in such a lawyerly way
that he still gets caught

so these are the grounds
on which Impeachment is made
I hope it was good

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